O MY GIDDY GOD. I think we're all doomed. DOOOOOMED!
I say. Doomed.
Swine flu will kill us all. I fully believe this because the media tells me so. I mean if they are telling me every five seconds that swine flu is running rampant through the world, unchecked, killing all in its path, then I should definitely not question that. No sir. No questions asked.
It is the present day Black Death. Yes indeedy. It's the PLAGUE. Run. Stay away from swine. DO NOT eat bacon for God's sake. If you do, you may in fact, turn into a pig. And then you will get shunned because you will BE the swine flu. Don't let those evil pigs cough on you either. They are out to get us, but due to their lack of opposable thumbs, they can't strangle us in our sleep and have to resort to coughing us to death!
And there are allegedly pieces of the bird flu in the swine flu concoction. So stay away from the damn birds too. In fact, just stay away from everything. Stay in your house, alone, and to be extra safe, wrap yourself in saran wrap, put on rubber gloves, and a face mask. If you don't have to move, don't. Moving just stirs up germs and makes them airborne.
And OMG there may be pieces of human flu in the swine flu. Mutant human genes. Crazy Wolverine type shit going down in this flu. We are soon going to have mutant pigs running around on their hind legs trying to form a government and then what will we do? WHO KNOWS!? it's time to panic. That is all we have left. PANIC.
God help you if you ever sneeze. An angry, disease-threatened mob will hunt you down and beat you. So just don't do it.
We are doomed. Don't try and fight it.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Reasons why we're Fucked.
My brother took a mental health day today. He is ten.
It snowed last week and yesterday it was 30 degrees Celsius.
Two reasons why the world is fucked up.
Feel free to throw in some more...
It snowed last week and yesterday it was 30 degrees Celsius.
Two reasons why the world is fucked up.
Feel free to throw in some more...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
O dear ooops.
O wow. I have been sorely neglecting this thinger. And I definitely thought I posted this following thing on April 20, but apparently I was so tired I just fell asleep instead of pressing the publish button. And then forgot about it until just now. So here:
*******
Happy 4/20. Happy no more EXAMS.
I finished my exam at 4pm today and booked it downtown to join the multitudes on Parliament Hill, who were, no exaggeration, smoking up sandwiched between a mob of Tamil protesters and a fleet of police. There were many people with dreaded hair, tie-dyed tees, and (my favourite) maple syrop flavoured rolling paper. Some people were particularly into it, and I believe I saw some sort of giant marijuana leprechaun.
In other news, yesterday sucked.
The girl I like very much is straight. And her experimenting days are apparently behind her.... haha, her words, not mine.
I was at school yesterday to study (because studying in the comfort of my own home is nearly impossible due to the combination of brothers, parents and various other distractions that don't allow me to ever fully concentrate) when The Girl sent me a text asking to study with me. Well, I went, despite the fact that we weren't studying for the same exam.
After many hours of studying, I couldn't take it anymore, I had to find out. So I was real sly, and I asked for her opinion on what she would do if she had a question that she wanted to ask someone, but the question could cause awkwardness between her and the other person. Would she ask? Would she want to be asked a question like that?
"Well....I don't really know what you're talking about...I guess it would be too personal for me to ask what you're specifically talking about?" she asked.
I nod.
"Is it a relationship thing? Like a guy thing?"
Now at this point, I was finding it very difficult to keep from laughing. I was tired to the bones, my sanity was at a particularly low level, and the situation was absolutely ridiculous. I was asking her for advice on how to talk to her, without her knowing.
"It is a relationship thing," I said. "But not so much a guy thing..."
I think then, she grasped what I was talking about. But she didn't seem to want to say it, in case she was guessing wrong.
"So does...um, she know?" she asked. "Ummm"
"No," Ha. Yes actually, she just found out in fact. "I mean, it's never come up. Well it's not something you exactly say to someone when you meet them... hey my name's Alice and I'm bi....ya. haha."
We laugh.
Anyhoo, long story short(ish), she told me that I should get drunk with this girl and casually broach the subject. Or, get really trashed, walk up to the girl I like singing Katy Perry, and after the line "...and I LIKED IT," kiss the girl, and see if she likes it. She also said that once upon a time she and her friends had figured out that they weren't attracted to girls. How? And why wasn't I at this party? She then said she was sorry because she had assumed I was strait, and that from now on she won't assume such things about people.
"What about you, do you find you assume people in general are strait?" she asked.
"I used to," I answered, "but I then I made assumptions about myself, and look how wrong I was."
Plus it is just depressing to assume everyone in strait.
And so that is all. I didn't have to ask her out, I didn't have to make a fool of myself, and I didn't create irrevocable awkwardness between us. The end.
*******
Happy 4/20. Happy no more EXAMS.
I finished my exam at 4pm today and booked it downtown to join the multitudes on Parliament Hill, who were, no exaggeration, smoking up sandwiched between a mob of Tamil protesters and a fleet of police. There were many people with dreaded hair, tie-dyed tees, and (my favourite) maple syrop flavoured rolling paper. Some people were particularly into it, and I believe I saw some sort of giant marijuana leprechaun.
In other news, yesterday sucked.
The girl I like very much is straight. And her experimenting days are apparently behind her.... haha, her words, not mine.
I was at school yesterday to study (because studying in the comfort of my own home is nearly impossible due to the combination of brothers, parents and various other distractions that don't allow me to ever fully concentrate) when The Girl sent me a text asking to study with me. Well, I went, despite the fact that we weren't studying for the same exam.
After many hours of studying, I couldn't take it anymore, I had to find out. So I was real sly, and I asked for her opinion on what she would do if she had a question that she wanted to ask someone, but the question could cause awkwardness between her and the other person. Would she ask? Would she want to be asked a question like that?
"Well....I don't really know what you're talking about...I guess it would be too personal for me to ask what you're specifically talking about?" she asked.
I nod.
"Is it a relationship thing? Like a guy thing?"
Now at this point, I was finding it very difficult to keep from laughing. I was tired to the bones, my sanity was at a particularly low level, and the situation was absolutely ridiculous. I was asking her for advice on how to talk to her, without her knowing.
"It is a relationship thing," I said. "But not so much a guy thing..."
I think then, she grasped what I was talking about. But she didn't seem to want to say it, in case she was guessing wrong.
"So does...um, she know?" she asked. "Ummm"
"No," Ha. Yes actually, she just found out in fact. "I mean, it's never come up. Well it's not something you exactly say to someone when you meet them... hey my name's Alice and I'm bi....ya. haha."
We laugh.
Anyhoo, long story short(ish), she told me that I should get drunk with this girl and casually broach the subject. Or, get really trashed, walk up to the girl I like singing Katy Perry, and after the line "...and I LIKED IT," kiss the girl, and see if she likes it. She also said that once upon a time she and her friends had figured out that they weren't attracted to girls. How? And why wasn't I at this party? She then said she was sorry because she had assumed I was strait, and that from now on she won't assume such things about people.
"What about you, do you find you assume people in general are strait?" she asked.
"I used to," I answered, "but I then I made assumptions about myself, and look how wrong I was."
Plus it is just depressing to assume everyone in strait.
And so that is all. I didn't have to ask her out, I didn't have to make a fool of myself, and I didn't create irrevocable awkwardness between us. The end.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
And then there was one....
Just one more exam. ONE. And then I can go about working to regain my sanity.
And also start weening myself off coffee. That should help in the sanity department. I have actually had a ridiculous number of laughing attack-spasm-crazy-person moments in the past week. I'm usually in public when this happens.
They are going to put me in an institution.
Though I wouldn't mind being in a padded room....you could sleep anywhere.
And also start weening myself off coffee. That should help in the sanity department. I have actually had a ridiculous number of laughing attack-spasm-crazy-person moments in the past week. I'm usually in public when this happens.
They are going to put me in an institution.
Though I wouldn't mind being in a padded room....you could sleep anywhere.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
brrroommbrrroooommm I'm a car.
I just realized that there is an abundance of onomatopoeias in the titles of this month's posts.
It just goes to show that my brain is turning to mush and I can't think of real words to use. GAH!
It just goes to show that my brain is turning to mush and I can't think of real words to use. GAH!
Darn, Fuck. ARG.
Today I had an exam throughout which I repeated the words "fuck," bullshit," and "dear God... am I supposed to know this?" steadily for the entire two hours. To the proctors it must have at first sounded like whispering cheating, until they got close enough to realize that it was a chant of hopelessness. So they left me alone.
Damn and double damn.
And then I went outside and kicked a shrubbery. A whaawt? A SHRUBBERY! One that was nice and not too expensive (Read with an English accent.... then it makes more sense. Ish).
Actually it was just a bush. And it was ugly. Now it is uglier because it has a bunch of broken branches. But serves the school right for planting it outside a place exams are taken. Duh its gonna get beaten up.
Damn and double damn.
And then I went outside and kicked a shrubbery. A whaawt? A SHRUBBERY! One that was nice and not too expensive (Read with an English accent.... then it makes more sense. Ish).
Actually it was just a bush. And it was ugly. Now it is uglier because it has a bunch of broken branches. But serves the school right for planting it outside a place exams are taken. Duh its gonna get beaten up.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Click.
O God. A guy I apparently gave my number to at a house party just called me like 17 seconds ago.
"Uh hey....it's Ivan*..."
"O. Aw. Haiii. How'r you?" says I.
"Well. I dunno if you remember giving me your number...or if you remember me. But...." His sentence kinda lamely puttered to a stop.
But what? Why are you calling me? Nervous laugh, "I don't remember giving you my number." I possibly do remember, but I'm also pretty sure I do not want to. In hindsight, he was a tad creep-o-esque.
"Right....well I was just wondering if maybe you'd wanna hang out after exams or something?"
NO! "Humm. Well." Breathe deeply to buy some time to think of how to best say maybe while actually meaning 'absolutely not,' .... "ya maybe?"
"Ok good luck studying. Bye."
FML.
It is never the people I want to call who call.
*Name has absolutely not been changed for privacy.
"Uh hey....it's Ivan*..."
"O. Aw. Haiii. How'r you?" says I.
"Well. I dunno if you remember giving me your number...or if you remember me. But...." His sentence kinda lamely puttered to a stop.
But what? Why are you calling me? Nervous laugh, "I don't remember giving you my number." I possibly do remember, but I'm also pretty sure I do not want to. In hindsight, he was a tad creep-o-esque.
"Right....well I was just wondering if maybe you'd wanna hang out after exams or something?"
NO! "Humm. Well." Breathe deeply to buy some time to think of how to best say maybe while actually meaning 'absolutely not,' .... "ya maybe?"
"Ok good luck studying. Bye."
FML.
It is never the people I want to call who call.
*Name has absolutely not been changed for privacy.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
HYA! If it's in my way, I punch it.
Aw hello hello helloooo..... today was a good day. I am rather giddy feeling, as this how I get after I have completed an exam. And a damn good exam it was. I'm pretty sure I kicked that Canadian History exam into the stratosphere and perhaps beyond. I hope.
Did you know that back in the 1870s their was a dude who was once named William Smith, who apparently loved the universe a LOT. I can tell this because he changed his name to Amor De Cosmos. And THEN, the lovely people of British Columbia voted him as their premier. But we can probably chalk that up to the fact that they were all undoubtedly high....
It was also I good day because, on a high from beating my exam senseless, I went to study with The Girl and for once, my brain and mouth worked in seamless harmony to produce actual, witty conversation....as opposed to how they usually trip over each other and end up making me say nonsensical gibberish like "well I....gah. what? no....fu-" Yes, sadly, there is some sort of short circuited connection from the point where I think of what to say, and the point where I say it. BUT not today.
No, today I was hilarious, not gonna lie. And, I'm not even angry at myself for failing to ask her out, yet again, because....well, face it, that's not likely ever to happen. So I content myself with playing it cool. Like a cucumber or whatever. Like a seeeeaaaaa cucumber. Tehehe.
And the day even ended with a double decker bus, which is a plus plus (hahah...get it? two pluses? two levels? aha). I may not have mentioned this before, but our transit system has decided to buy double decker buses, a big sensation. Literally. I think it's a conniving ploy to try and get people to stop complaining that we are a big city with no subway to speak of. And to make the city hate bus drivers less.
So everyday, there is now the possibility that I will get to ride a two level bus to and from school. I've only riden it four times now, so the novelty has not yet worn off. I still run strait to the top like a five year old when I get on....but then, so does everyone else. Seriously, a group of guys who may or may not have been gangsters got on and all came to the top with somewhat mystified looks on their faces. I also wave shamelessly to all the regular folk on the ground below who like to look up and gawk at the immense buses and envy the people who get take them.
I think though, that my favourite part of riding those buses is watching every tall person who comes up the stairs, without fail, hit their head on the 5'7" ceiling. Ok, so you really don't have to be all that tall, but you have to be significantly taller than I.
That is all.
Did you know that back in the 1870s their was a dude who was once named William Smith, who apparently loved the universe a LOT. I can tell this because he changed his name to Amor De Cosmos. And THEN, the lovely people of British Columbia voted him as their premier. But we can probably chalk that up to the fact that they were all undoubtedly high....
It was also I good day because, on a high from beating my exam senseless, I went to study with The Girl and for once, my brain and mouth worked in seamless harmony to produce actual, witty conversation....as opposed to how they usually trip over each other and end up making me say nonsensical gibberish like "well I....gah. what? no....fu-" Yes, sadly, there is some sort of short circuited connection from the point where I think of what to say, and the point where I say it. BUT not today.
No, today I was hilarious, not gonna lie. And, I'm not even angry at myself for failing to ask her out, yet again, because....well, face it, that's not likely ever to happen. So I content myself with playing it cool. Like a cucumber or whatever. Like a seeeeaaaaa cucumber. Tehehe.
And the day even ended with a double decker bus, which is a plus plus (hahah...get it? two pluses? two levels? aha). I may not have mentioned this before, but our transit system has decided to buy double decker buses, a big sensation. Literally. I think it's a conniving ploy to try and get people to stop complaining that we are a big city with no subway to speak of. And to make the city hate bus drivers less.
So everyday, there is now the possibility that I will get to ride a two level bus to and from school. I've only riden it four times now, so the novelty has not yet worn off. I still run strait to the top like a five year old when I get on....but then, so does everyone else. Seriously, a group of guys who may or may not have been gangsters got on and all came to the top with somewhat mystified looks on their faces. I also wave shamelessly to all the regular folk on the ground below who like to look up and gawk at the immense buses and envy the people who get take them.
I think though, that my favourite part of riding those buses is watching every tall person who comes up the stairs, without fail, hit their head on the 5'7" ceiling. Ok, so you really don't have to be all that tall, but you have to be significantly taller than I.
That is all.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Weather just likes Screwing with my mind.
It's snowing.
Not just a bit either.
This is why I don't put my winter coat away until June.
You just never fucking know.
Not just a bit either.
This is why I don't put my winter coat away until June.
You just never fucking know.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Alice is in the Building. RRRAAAAWWRRR
Don't judge me on this post. I'm drunkly.
It was my friend's birthday, and I recently implemented in my head a "No Sketchy Hull clubbing policy" which I broke tonight. Meaning, for all you non-Ottawans out their, that I told myself I'd never again cross over into Quebec, our neighbouring province with a lower and more reasonable drinking age, to go to a club. But I did. And it was full of icky icky people. Predominantly guys. But also with its share of slutty girls.
Basically, once you go into Hull, you are fair game to get groped by nasty 12 year old idiot boys who go to Quebec to get action because it is so very sketchy and actually lets them into the clubs despite the fact that they look nothing like their fake IDs. I quite literally had to peel men off me at every turn.....all I wanted to do was dance to some 'meh' type music, but I was interrupted constantly by an unwelcomed hand grabbing my ass and an arm circling my waist or, most disturbingly, a pelvis undulating against my thigh.
The guys there are exactly like un-neutered puppies.....just fuckin humping everything they see. I am never going back. I am getting a fake come hell or hellish water, and I'm staying in Ottawa. Fuck yes.
So at one point in the night, a dude who I went to high school with decised to by a 26 of Gray Goose (which put him back about a $104) which essentially bought him VIP status in the club. Seriously....he went over to sweet talk some ladies into aiding us in finishing the 26 and some dude came up to him and was all "Dude, bouce, these chicks are wit me yo." And a bouncer came up to my friend the VIP and said asked if that guy was trying to start shit, and if he was, they could totally get rid of him.
And now I'm shmammered. And I want shawarma soooo very badly. I was on the bus coming home, and someone on there had a shwarma wrap, and my nose was on high alert, searching the air for something to munch, and I nearly mugged them to steal only the wrap, so I could eat the inards.
I also decided I'm going to do a survey of the buses at 2:30 am to see what the ratio of drunk people to sober people is, becuase I'm pretty sure that absolutely nobody sober would step on a bus at tht ungodly hour. Really though, my bus coming home had barf splattered across the floor where a dude who had too much for his own good decided to puke out his night's escapades. I bet he drank less than I. I am rather tank, I must say.
doo doo doooooooooooooooo
It was my friend's birthday, and I recently implemented in my head a "No Sketchy Hull clubbing policy" which I broke tonight. Meaning, for all you non-Ottawans out their, that I told myself I'd never again cross over into Quebec, our neighbouring province with a lower and more reasonable drinking age, to go to a club. But I did. And it was full of icky icky people. Predominantly guys. But also with its share of slutty girls.
Basically, once you go into Hull, you are fair game to get groped by nasty 12 year old idiot boys who go to Quebec to get action because it is so very sketchy and actually lets them into the clubs despite the fact that they look nothing like their fake IDs. I quite literally had to peel men off me at every turn.....all I wanted to do was dance to some 'meh' type music, but I was interrupted constantly by an unwelcomed hand grabbing my ass and an arm circling my waist or, most disturbingly, a pelvis undulating against my thigh.
The guys there are exactly like un-neutered puppies.....just fuckin humping everything they see. I am never going back. I am getting a fake come hell or hellish water, and I'm staying in Ottawa. Fuck yes.
So at one point in the night, a dude who I went to high school with decised to by a 26 of Gray Goose (which put him back about a $104) which essentially bought him VIP status in the club. Seriously....he went over to sweet talk some ladies into aiding us in finishing the 26 and some dude came up to him and was all "Dude, bouce, these chicks are wit me yo." And a bouncer came up to my friend the VIP and said asked if that guy was trying to start shit, and if he was, they could totally get rid of him.
And now I'm shmammered. And I want shawarma soooo very badly. I was on the bus coming home, and someone on there had a shwarma wrap, and my nose was on high alert, searching the air for something to munch, and I nearly mugged them to steal only the wrap, so I could eat the inards.
I also decided I'm going to do a survey of the buses at 2:30 am to see what the ratio of drunk people to sober people is, becuase I'm pretty sure that absolutely nobody sober would step on a bus at tht ungodly hour. Really though, my bus coming home had barf splattered across the floor where a dude who had too much for his own good decided to puke out his night's escapades. I bet he drank less than I. I am rather tank, I must say.
doo doo doooooooooooooooo
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sometimes, I LOVE people.
This morning I met a neighbour from a few doors down I've apparently had for years but this being suburbia, I of course, have never seen before. This I decided is ver ver unfortunate, since she is a slightly elderly woman who saved my ass today.
I was in my house, making toast, confident that I had at least another seven minutes before I had to go get the bus. So when I ran out of butter to put on the toast (which is rice bread and tastes like shitter if you don't basically soak it in butter), I thought I'd have time to get more out of the fridge. Well, I didn't and I closed the fridge door, only to see the bus driving by out the window.
I grabbed by toast and bolted out the door, hoping I could run out in front of the bus and the driver would have good enough reflexes to stop before squishing me. But the bus was too far to run in front of it....so I chased it. And I know that damn driver saw me, but he is a sadist and kept driving. DEUCH BAG. I even shouted at it, and jumped up and down, and just in general made a real prat of myself.
Anyhoo, just then this lady walks out off her house and says "If I drive you to a stop, can you catch the bus?"
O my goodness, I have a guardian angel. Or at least really good bad timing.
Pant pant pant...deep breath, gasp. "Yes please! Thank you soooooo much."
What ensued was a car chase with all the nail biting suspense of watching a plant grow, and all the speed legally possible in a residential area, minus some speed for the caution and good sense of the woman driving the car.
And WE MADE IT! Caught up to that bus, hells ya.
My new old neighbour is now my hero.
When I got on the bus, the driver laughed at me. Fucktard.
Moral of the story: for every asshole out there, their is an equal and opposite type person who is a lovely human being.... hopefully they are around when you miss the bus.
I was in my house, making toast, confident that I had at least another seven minutes before I had to go get the bus. So when I ran out of butter to put on the toast (which is rice bread and tastes like shitter if you don't basically soak it in butter), I thought I'd have time to get more out of the fridge. Well, I didn't and I closed the fridge door, only to see the bus driving by out the window.
I grabbed by toast and bolted out the door, hoping I could run out in front of the bus and the driver would have good enough reflexes to stop before squishing me. But the bus was too far to run in front of it....so I chased it. And I know that damn driver saw me, but he is a sadist and kept driving. DEUCH BAG. I even shouted at it, and jumped up and down, and just in general made a real prat of myself.
Anyhoo, just then this lady walks out off her house and says "If I drive you to a stop, can you catch the bus?"
O my goodness, I have a guardian angel. Or at least really good bad timing.
Pant pant pant...deep breath, gasp. "Yes please! Thank you soooooo much."
What ensued was a car chase with all the nail biting suspense of watching a plant grow, and all the speed legally possible in a residential area, minus some speed for the caution and good sense of the woman driving the car.
And WE MADE IT! Caught up to that bus, hells ya.
My new old neighbour is now my hero.
When I got on the bus, the driver laughed at me. Fucktard.
Moral of the story: for every asshole out there, their is an equal and opposite type person who is a lovely human being.... hopefully they are around when you miss the bus.
Calm the tweeting you big Twit. (that was a complement)
You know what i don't like? Twitter.
People are going crazy over this thinger, and I don't get it. Are they just super psyched that they can, in great detail (or as much detail as you can fit into 140 characters or less), chronicle their life as it occurs? Yes I think that must be it. People can't go around announcing to everyone their life's story, so Twitter is the next best thing.
But I will never get it. No sir, not I. I do not want to be a tweeting twit or whatever they're called.
I mean really, do I ever need to let people know what I'm doing at all moments of the day? No.
Maybe if I was doing something worth updating people on every five minutes like fighting an epic battle in Antarctica against rabid penguins or sky diving from the International Space Station (which wouldn't work, I know....but could you just imagine?) I would get it, but as it is all I'd have to put up is "shit, my prof's mic isn't working again and I can't hear her tiny mouse voice because I'm not sitting in the front row" or "bkdwiuf I'm drunk and Metric is whoaaaa awesomeee..." or "at this point, ALL I WANT OUT OF LIFE IS TO RIDE THE NEW DOUBLE DECKER BUSES THAT ARE CRUISING THE TRANSIT SYSTEM!" (which is so true...). Shit like that.
So I stay away from it, so as not to get addicted to yet another dumb internet thing...like Facebook, or fmylife.com, or this....I have room for only one more addiction in my life an I intend for that to be crack. Just kidding kids. Don't do drugs. Ok, maybe just marijuana, but only a bit.
Could you imagine if there was something like Twitter around in the Middle Ages? Or the French Revolution? Or various other times in history where this technology has no business being?
O My giddy God, that would have been so fucking hilarious.....seriously picture it:
Hey there! KingLouisXVI is using Twitter.
guess they weren't kidding.
11:43 PM July 14th 1789 from Web
just realized my country is planning to storm the Bastille by reading the ParisMob twitter page. C'est une blague? Oui je pense.
7:56 PM July 13th 1789 from Web
maybe I should stop taxing the shit out of poor people....nah.
8:43 AM July 12th 1789 from Web
person in charge of handing me underwear gave me the uncomfortable pair + found rooms i never knew about in Versailles.
3:23 PM July 11th 1789 from Web
apparently food is short in Paris. Marie just told some whiners to got eat cake. FUCK YA!
5:54 PM July 8th 1789 from Web
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok I had way too much fun doing that, and I've accidentally let you all see how much of a nerd I am. (I use the term "you all" very loosely).
Now I should probably get off this and do something constructive with my life, like all the 10 more pages of an essay have to finish. But I don't want to. I'll get the shakes and start twitching and have all the classic signs of withdrawal.
Plus history essays about women suffrage in Canada aren't the most interesting things to write.
GAH.
Must.. rip. self ...away... from. blogge...
People are going crazy over this thinger, and I don't get it. Are they just super psyched that they can, in great detail (or as much detail as you can fit into 140 characters or less), chronicle their life as it occurs? Yes I think that must be it. People can't go around announcing to everyone their life's story, so Twitter is the next best thing.
But I will never get it. No sir, not I. I do not want to be a tweeting twit or whatever they're called.
I mean really, do I ever need to let people know what I'm doing at all moments of the day? No.
Maybe if I was doing something worth updating people on every five minutes like fighting an epic battle in Antarctica against rabid penguins or sky diving from the International Space Station (which wouldn't work, I know....but could you just imagine?) I would get it, but as it is all I'd have to put up is "shit, my prof's mic isn't working again and I can't hear her tiny mouse voice because I'm not sitting in the front row" or "bkdwiuf I'm drunk and Metric is whoaaaa awesomeee..." or "at this point, ALL I WANT OUT OF LIFE IS TO RIDE THE NEW DOUBLE DECKER BUSES THAT ARE CRUISING THE TRANSIT SYSTEM!" (which is so true...). Shit like that.
So I stay away from it, so as not to get addicted to yet another dumb internet thing...like Facebook, or fmylife.com, or this....I have room for only one more addiction in my life an I intend for that to be crack. Just kidding kids. Don't do drugs. Ok, maybe just marijuana, but only a bit.
Could you imagine if there was something like Twitter around in the Middle Ages? Or the French Revolution? Or various other times in history where this technology has no business being?
O My giddy God, that would have been so fucking hilarious.....seriously picture it:
Hey there! KingLouisXVI is using Twitter.
guess they weren't kidding.
11:43 PM July 14th 1789 from Web
just realized my country is planning to storm the Bastille by reading the ParisMob twitter page. C'est une blague? Oui je pense.
7:56 PM July 13th 1789 from Web
maybe I should stop taxing the shit out of poor people....nah.
8:43 AM July 12th 1789 from Web
person in charge of handing me underwear gave me the uncomfortable pair + found rooms i never knew about in Versailles.
3:23 PM July 11th 1789 from Web
apparently food is short in Paris. Marie just told some whiners to got eat cake. FUCK YA!
5:54 PM July 8th 1789 from Web
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok I had way too much fun doing that, and I've accidentally let you all see how much of a nerd I am. (I use the term "you all" very loosely).
Now I should probably get off this and do something constructive with my life, like all the 10 more pages of an essay have to finish. But I don't want to. I'll get the shakes and start twitching and have all the classic signs of withdrawal.
Plus history essays about women suffrage in Canada aren't the most interesting things to write.
GAH.
Must.. rip. self ...away... from. blogge...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Combat Baby.
I'm going to see Metric and Bedouin Soundclash very soon. In but a few hours I shall be moshing it up amid a mass of drunken university students. I don't think I'll wear anything I plan on ever wearing again....
It's a cold and dreary day. Any minute now the sun should pop out from behind those rain clouds and say "April Fool's!" and then the rest of the day will be beautiful and I can stop believing in pathetic fallacy.
LALALAALALLAA LAA Laaa Laaa Laaaa Laauuuh.
But for I go I must remember to put my contacts back in....I just realized that's why I'm currently so blind.
It's a cold and dreary day. Any minute now the sun should pop out from behind those rain clouds and say "April Fool's!" and then the rest of the day will be beautiful and I can stop believing in pathetic fallacy.
LALALAALALLAA LAA Laaa Laaa Laaaa Laauuuh.
But for I go I must remember to put my contacts back in....I just realized that's why I'm currently so blind.
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