Strawberries should not take 17 bites to eat.

They just shouldn't be that big.

Yesterday I had a massive strawberry the size of an apple. It was mildly horrifying. And it didn't taste all that good either. I think when the mad scientists who engineer these mutant fruits put the giantification gene in the strawberry, they didn't add an increase-flavourification gene to account for the super bigness of it.

I heard somewhere that they put pig genes into tomatoes to make them more robust or something. PIG GENES?! SWINE FLU! Or, pardon me, H1N1, as it is now referred to as....wouldn't want to offend them pigs eh? Or maybe it was fish genes....? To make tomatoes able to breathe underwater probably. Do you realize what this means? FISH FLU! AHHHH. I can just see the headlines now... "Millions of goldfish are flushed amid reports of FISH FLU sweeping across the globe"

Well, in any case, it seems like the world is becoming an increasingly hazardous place for vegans.

And the moral of this post is to not be a vegan.

That is all.


Edit note: this is the 69th post, and I am neither mature nor boring enough to let that go unannounced. And I'm also giggling like an idiot.