Another Great Victory for Vikings: Spam.

I've never had spam, but I'm thinking of trying the Spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, and spam.

Vikings A Go Go

Where do I wish I was right now? Oddly enough, Manitoba. At the Icelandic Festival of Manitoba. Because, yes, you guessed it, there is a Viking Village. And people reenacting vikingness. And one of the best things is that the village in in a town called Gimli. Named after the dwarf in Lord of the Rings. Well, not really, but if I lived there, that's what I'd tell people.

It's taking place right now. I'm thinking one year I'll go be a Viking in this festival. I think I'd look very menacing and brutal as a Viking. And gross, because I bet it's part of the costume to have bits of chicken and human fingernails stuck in your beard. Although the discovery of 51 headless Viking bodies in a pit in England has lead me to believe that the Saxons found the Viking look offensive.

I do not want to get my head chopped off. No sir.

Speaking of Manitoba, I've never been to the west of Canada. Nowhere west-er than Ontario. But, with Newfoundland visited, I've covered all the eastern provinces. I've even been to the most easterly point in all of North America, called Cape Spear.

You know, other than the irksome fact that I was with my osodumb parents and my insane brothers every waking and not waking moment of my time in Newfoundland, it was the most perfect time ever. But I will never go there with them again. That was agonizing.

Here is a picture of a puffin. I took about fifty seven pictures of this particular one. They are just too damn cute.

Here is a picture of a post office in a...um.... very special town. (Notice the name on the sign. Click to enlarge)Ya, it's actually named Dildo. After a captain. The captain of a vessel full of seamen.

Here is an iceberg. We took a boat through a bunch of them, and I confess I said "ICEBERG, STRAIGHT AHEAD!" about 23 times. With the accent and all. There were tourists from England on the boat. Not sure whether they were more impressed by that, or my multiple renditions of "I'm on a Boat, Muthafucka." This one, while not from Dildo, was apparently inspired by one.
Sciencey side note about Icebergs: They aren't actually white. When they froze 10 000 years ago, they froze with air bubbles, and they reflect white light. So when you get up right close to one, it sizzles, because it's melting and the air bubbles are going into the water. Also, they taste very fresh.

This is a newfie speedbumpus, or a moose. On the island, there are something ridiculous like 100 000 of them things. They are so numerous and so stupid that when driving you have to constantly be on the lookout for them because they are apt to amble onto the highway and stare at you whilst you accordion your car against their massive bodies.
The locals would stare at us in horror when we told them we planned to drive through the night to our next stop..... as though night driving means certain death by moose.

This is an underwater graveyard. The blue buoys are the men and the white ones are the women.Nah, just kidding. It's actually a muscle farm. I ate a muscle while I as there that had a pearl in it.

So there you go, so pics of Newfoundland. It takes too long to upload them, so I'm gonna stop now. But there are some others like one of my fifteen year old brother frolicking among sheep that always give me a good chuckle.

The hazards of Vacation.

Can you outrun a mudslide? This guy can. Not only can he outrun a mudslide, but also the house and the shed that came with it. It is not surprising though, since he's a Newfoundlander, and they have to run away from moose all the time. I think I'd prefer running from a mudslide.

Hopefully by July the rain will stop in Newfoundland and the mudslides will halt so that when I go there for my family vacation (dear god. family vacation.) I don't get smothered by the land (honestly, I didn't even think it was possible to have mudslides in Newfoundland. Isn't it just a great giant rock?). I should probably get back in shape before we go, just in case I have to run for my life. Or fight off a Viking.

Don't get me wrong, I'm ridiculously excited to go to Newfoundland. But with my family? Not so much. There is going to be lots of driving to see the sights, and someone is going to snap (mom). By the end, everyone will be grumpy, because we're not all that great at spending large amounts of time together.

My dad today even asked if he should bring along the family on his business trip to Vienna, and though I'd lovelovelove to go to Vienna, I said "No no, a thousand times no! Are you crazy? Do you think I'll be able to handle TWO family trips in one summer? It'll be a freakin' miracle if we all make it back from Nfld alive as it is..."


And I'm not sure if I mentionned this, but I'm back in Journalism next year. Not sure if I'm happy about this or not. Surprised yes, but pleasantly so? Dunno.

My music at Work

If I was a rock star, I would be a cross between Emily Haines, Elton John, and a Tickle Me Elmo on crack. I would sing like Emily (not really but a girl can dream can't she?), dress like Elton (sometimes) and go nuts like an Elmo (always).

I would also just in general be like David Bowie. Freak out in a moonage daydream, ooooo yeah.

I reserve the right to change my mind about what kind of hybrid rock star I would be at any time.

You could probably throw some Viking into the mix too.
I would wear horns.

You tryin' to be funny?

If I was a comedian, I would like to be a cross between Ellen DeGeneres, Stephen Colbert, and a Viking. Because as I've recently stated, Vikings are fucking hilarious.

Plus, if the audience wouldn't laugh at me I could just coherce them with my giant thunder hammer. Then dazzle them with my sarcastic wit. Then dance.

It would be the most perfect set ever. By the end, the audience would have forgotten all about me beating the shit out of them at the beginning.

The only thing that could make it any better would be just a touch of John Cleese (oooer haha) and a smidgen of Billy Shakespeare. Because, really, who hasn't read Hamlet and laughed like a mad loon the entire time? It's just one funny situation after another. And then (*spoiler ALERT*) everyone dies.


And now for something completely different.

Atlantic Cod.

On Wednesday I saw Joel Plaskett in concert. He is not only amazing, but also super-duper. Just watch this. Brilliant and a tad wicked, n'est pas?

And I'm a big fan of buying made in Canada, so the fact that he was made in Canada is a bonus fo sho. Ha.

He's from the East Coast. I love the maritimes. I always wish I had been born there or lived there for a period of time so I could say I'm an East Coaster. They're just so nice and have the greatest laid back sense of humour (a dangerous generalization, I know, but whatever)....but their funniness may also have something to do with the accents they have. It doesn't matter, you could be the nicest person in the world, but if you were in a Kind Person competition against an East Coaster, they would win by default.

Which is kind on funny since Newfoundland was first settled by Vikings, who had a great sense of humour.... if you're into brutally pillaging villages and angry, hammer wielding gods. But even they couldn't handle living on a great giant rock, so they packed their horned helmets and braided beards and hit the road.

At one point during the show, Joel shouted "Any one here from out East?" and I almost, very nearly screamed "YAAA" along with a big portion of the audience. But a restrained myself. Barely.

It's just that saying I'm from Ontario is so ver ver boring, and anyone not from here basically hates it because, historically, governments have furnished trade policies and such that benefited Ontario manufacturers and made everyone else (farmers...lumber-jacks....and um, fishermen) poorer and poorer. Or maybe they don't hate it because of that, but rather because some stupid obnoxious Leaf fans make us all look dumb. And Senators fans are so busy jumping on and off "their" team's bandwagon it's ridiculous. I dunno.

But no I'm not a manufacturer. I don't build cars. I don't live anywhere near Toronto, thank you very much. Despite living in Ottawa, I don't have a government job and I'm not in high tech. I don't work for Nortel (but then really, who does anymore? O that's right, they're all in China).

So yes, I'd rather be a Newfoundlander, even though they are the runner ups just after blonds for being the butt of a joke.