a dagger that bites.

well, two of my friends it would seem, are not actually my friends. DRAMA! I hate drama. They are said to in fact, "not like me." It is a bummer and a shame. Because I am still their friend. That must annoy them.

I don't know what I did to engender their dislike, but apparently, I did something. Or I'm just so beyond the valley of the lame in their books that they can't bare to spend time with me. I have pondered this long and hard (oooer). I have come to the conclusion that this situation sucks. And also, that high school and all the social drama that goes with it NEVER ENDS.

and imagine, when I actually was in high school, I wasn't ever really part of the drama going down. Well, it has caught up with me. so fuck.


The knowledge that they don't like me didn't come as a shock or anything. It has kinda been like a dagger of sorts in my gut for a while...painful, throbbing even, but manageable....deniable. When one of my other friends finally decided to grow a pair and tell me what the fuck was going on, hearing her words "ya dude...they really don't like you" out loud was like the dagger got twisted suddenly. And all I could do was stare at the floor in wordless agony and embarrassment as my insides spilled on to the tiles.

You see, there is a difference between knowing something only in your mind, and having it told to you by someone else. It's the pain factor. The horrible confirmation of your suspicions just makes the wound bigger. It's no more a personal revelation, confined to your mind....it's public, it's a fact with teeth bent on breaking you. But it also becomes something you can fight.


Anyways, that's me. That may not be how everyone feels and deals.

And happy birthday to the girl who's birthday it is today.

xoxo Alice

(hahahaha. that's how Gossip girl finishes her umm...gossiping. Never AGAIN)