AHAHA. These are jolly times.

O my. Someone in India searched "JOLLY FUCKING" (all caps) and low and behold, a Google search where my lovely, misspelled URL is the very first listed search result!

This a milestone in my blogging experience. A proud, proud moment, only slightly tainted with shame at the search term used. But whatevs. Can't have everything.

I'll bet the person was soooo disappointed when they stumbled upon a blogge post about a Christmas song.

~~~~~

In other, less exciting, but more relevant news, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) strike date has been pushed back to allow for talks to continue with the provincial government. The workers' Union wants to change the fact that 60% of the LCBO's workers are part-time, thus not receiving benefits. The government says "Fuck no.*"

For those of you who live outside of Ontario and don't know what the LCBO is, it is basically one of two institutions allowed to sell alcohol in the province. The other its the Beer Store.

Once upon a time there was prohibition in Ontario and other parts of Canada. It didn't last all that long (except for in PEI, where it raged for 48 years of shear hell, from 1900-1948. I'm sure they were fine though...they had their potatoes and Anne of Green Gables to keep them occupied) but in Ontario, when it ended, one of the agreements was that all sale of alcohol would be closely regulated by a government body. I volunteered to be that body, but the LCBO was formed instead.

It's not a horrible thing. There are worse things than the government having a monopoly on the sale of hard liquor. Like, say this. But it's still pretty bad.

Everyone in Ontario was under the impression that at midnight last night, the LCBO would go on strike, thus leaving the population without the lifeblood - I mean, liquor - they can't live without.

Seriously, I've heard that if the average blood alcohol level of the population of Ontario goes below 0.044, the death ray pointed at Toronto is deployed and meese take over the legislature. (This might actually be an improvement though....)

Anyhoo, so last night, thousands and thousands of crazed dependents stormed their local LCBOs and cleaned out their shelves. Ordinary citizens were forced to spend wicked amounts of money on bulk purchases of their favourite liquors. Car trunks were piled high with cases of wine, Vodka, rum, and wierd foreign beers that you can't buy at the Beer Store. By the end of the night, when the commotion subsided and the stores closed, all that could be heard was the whispers of the Ghosts of Liquors past through the vacant shelves. And mournful, banshee-like wails of customers banging desperately on the doors, who had arrived at the store just moments too late.

In Ottawa, the rush wasn't quite as bad as elsewhere, being that we have Hull so near, with its SAQs and Depanneurs (french for "sketchy corner store"), it's grocery stores and Costcos (beer in bulk cases is a marvelous thing). But in Toronto, the threat of a strike loomed with the most dire consequences: Pride Week is right now, with the parade taking place on Sunday, and I'm not sure, but I think they fuel their floats with Cosmos; the garbage collectors are also poised to strike at any moment on strike and the large segment of the population that was planning on riding out the strike and rancid smells by being drunk the whole time might now be forced to move on to plan B - building a ladder up the side of the CN Tower (how that would help, I don't know, but these are the people whose plan A was to be drunk) and we all know how hammers and nails falling from that height can be a nuisance to the people they land on; and of course, the death ray. So the LCBO stores were mad houses.

Said one "19" year old girl to the Star Toronto, "It is very unsettling for university students who worked hard and want to party [but won't be able to do so because they will fall victim to the death ray.]"

The apocalypse has been averted - at least for now.

I'll drink to that.





*I'm paraphrasing. What they actually said was "Fuck no you goddam fucking union. Suck my over-extended budget, you good for nothing - hey is that camera on?"